So it looks like Monday's are going to be my Mothering Challenge days!!!! Last week it was my 7 year old, this morning it's my boys. Some unkind and ugly words were shared between them and tears were shed on my shoulder because of the pain that those words caused. ((SIGH))
Here we go.......Usually I'm tempted to go with that little face of anger that creeps in, I bypass that and then fear and anxiety creep up to take their rightful place (so they think). I push past those as well, and go for Grace. Realizing that this is another wonderful opportunity to teach my boys about love, compassion, forgiveness, the power of words, and how to choose your words carefully. It's also a time to expose the enemy for who and what he is, a toothless coward who tries desperately to tear people and families apart.
What's the line in a wedding...."What God has brought together, let no man (or enemy) put asunder"? I'm standing on that one for my family. God has brought this family together and I'm not going to let anyone or enemy tear that apart. But I must teach my children how to handle the enemy. Because one day they will be out from under my protection and guidance and they need to learn how to navigate these tumultuous waters on their own.
My boys are two very different creatures, their personalities can either compliment or clash, it depends on the day and really, the moment. Thank God that we have more complimentary moments than clashing ones. But when they do clash, watch out! I'm going to refer to them as Son A and Son B in order to protect their privacy a tiny little bit <3
Son A comes to me very upset and buries his head into my shoulder. He tells me that his brother called him something unkind and made some other odd comment regarding him. That's all I got from him as his head stayed buried. When I talk to someone, I like to see their face; one- to know that I have their attention and two -it's just right. I urged him to tell me how this made him feel, to no avail. I went right to the lesson.
The mind is satan's battlefied; when we hold our thoughts, fears, feelings, hurts inside our heart and head, we give the enemy a strong advantage over us and we might as well call it a day. The enemy wins, we hold onto the ugliness and it errodes us like acid, from the inside out. BUT when we can communicate those things, get them out of our heads, we have opportunity to add to our numbers. Yes the enemy is out to get us as individuals, but we are sadly mistaken in thinking that it's our job alone to battle him. I am not going to war by myself. Share your hurts, gather your army. Not only do we have opportunity to be encouraged and set right in our thinking. We are ultimately surrendering these pains over to the Great Physician. Healing begins when we let our guard down and let Him in!!
I prayed with and over Son A and gave him to Jesus. I did what I could do and now the rest is up to that son and God. Now onto Son B......he comes in and as soon as I say I want to talk to you, his guard goes up, his eyes tear up and his chin jutts out, his jaw tightens. I can actually see him step behind the "pride wall". I have to also realize that with this son, he feels things deeply but struggles with letting them out. I know that there are some growing issues there as well, some hormonal things that need to be handled with care. Remember the fear and anxiety that wanted to take their place at the beginning? Yeah, they're back and I'm even more tempted to give into them. But I don't. I found out that the ugly words were an act of self-defense. The only defense that Son B feels that he has against his brother.
We are also working on respect issues around here, it's all fun and games until someone draws a line and it's not respected. So, that's what happened......there was a line drawn (albeit incorrectly communicated) and it wasn't respected. Names began flying and you hit one where it hurts and it's done. Sadly though, victory gained in that manner rarely leads you to a celebration. So with this son, I talked about the power of his words, the misleading facts of wrongly executed self-defense and how the enemy is looking to divide and destroy. I reminded him of the special bond of brotherhood that God has given them and we talked about that ridiculous wall of pride.
I need to help him learn how to communicate clearly and precisely, as we are not mind readers nor are we decoders of spoken words. If this is what you want, you need to say it specifically. Vague doesn't work when you need to get a message across.
It's funny, well, not really but people usually spew out ugly words as an act of defense. I didn't know that was the case at the beginning of this. But the story was relayed one side at a time. There's a reason why we can't jump to any conclusions when the incident incudes more than one person. We have to keep an open mind and only deal with that one person's actions.
So here are some key points to this situation:
*boys have trouble communicating! It takes a slick hand to help them put words to things that they feel. We have to help them do this....their wives will thank us when we do<3
*Pride comes before the fall! (proverbs 16:8) Recognize pride in your life or your children's lives and help them to knock that wall down. It appears to be solid, but infact, it is a mirage. The closer we get to humility the stronger and taller that wall looks. Don't let too much time pass between the offense and a humble apology. Encourage them out from behind that wall!
*There is an enemy who wants to seperate us out like a wolf that isolates one member of the flock in order to easily overtake it. We must know the enemy, know his tactics and be ready to fight. We must stay with the flock!!!! Have you noticed when people in the church seem to fall from grace, we as the body are always shocked!! We have no idea that there was ever a problem until it's all over and the enemy has won. I'll say it again "STAY WITH THE FLOCK" There is safety in numbers and when we share our lives with one another, open ourselves to the vulnerability of community, we find safety and shelter.
So are you wondering where the brothers stand as of now? Well, I ended my conversation with Son B and asked him if he would like me to pray for him, would he like to go off and do that on his own, would he like me to mediate an apology or is he good. He decided to go on his own. Several minutes later I hear them laughing and running in the hallway. When I asked how it went, Son B said, "I said I'm sorry and sat on his back, he laughed." If you didn't know it before, know it now- BOYS ARE SO DIFFERENT FROM GIRLS!!! They slay me those two.....what a unique relationship they have! I'm thankful for reconciliation no matter what form it comes in <3
Another Sigh.....Oh Lord I pray that my sons would always know the source of their love, strength, grace and mercy. May they fiercely protect the bond of brotherhood and may they never let any man or woman or enemy put them asunder. Let them defeat the enemy at all turns, growing in strength and in number as they live out their days. Mold them into fierce warriors for You Oh God <3
Happy Monday Friends <3 Battle On!!!!!!