Jessica, my 15 year old (okay she's got two weeks left of 15, but still!!) is starting classes at the local community college. Yes, I realize that some say that it's the 13th grade but, hello!! She's skipping the 11th and 12th and jumping right to it!!! That's a lot to take in. I was supposed to have two more years to get used to the idea!!! I lay in bed last night and my heart was demanding attention, the aches of a mother were taking center stage and I realized that there was a certain amount of fear present and that wouldn't do. I actually shed a few little tears.
I'm pretty sure that just yesterday I held her as a baby, a little girl. She was someone to look after and protect. This day proves that she's not that little girl anymore! She's grown up with Jesus as her friend and Saviour and during her freshman year in high school, she determined to seek His will, path, plan for her life. When He revealed that to her, she didn't shudder, or cower, doubt or question....she just said "YES"!
What I didn't realize at that point is that I would have to also say "YES"......that yes came a long time ago when her daddy and I publicly agreed that we would dedicate our lives to bringing her up in the knowledge and loving grace of our Lord and Savior. It didn't occur to me that what I was truly saying that "She's yours Lord, not mine - I give her to You and will trust you with her". He only gives us care and guardianship over these little ones. To most of us though, we claim them with a fierce love and responsibility. When we realize that they were never ours to begin with, it takes a little time to sink in.
She wholly belongs to God. The God that loved her so much that He sent His only Son to die on the cross for her salvation!!!!! It's not enough to just say "I believe", we really have to believe! It's in these moments that are bigger than us that the rubber hits the road. Do I believe or not? Do I truly trust Him or not? Will I let go and let God have control? The answer is Yes!!! It's a hard yes due to the earthly emotion we attach to motherhood. But I wouldn't really want to answer any other way! To say no.....well that wouldn't end well. What can I do apart from God? Nothing.
My morning devotional was a message right from God's heart to mine. Psalm 121 reminded me of Who I trust and why I trust Him.
I lift my eyes to the hills-
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip-
he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord watches over you-
the Lord is your shade at your right hand
the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
The Lord will keep you from all harm-
he will watch over your life;
the Lord will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.
The Message says in verses 3-4 "He won't let you stumble, your Guardian God won't fall asleep. Not on your life! Israel's Guardian will never doze or sleep". I can only watch over my children when they are in my direct view. God, however, our Guardian, can watch over them at every moment of every day!! I do not put my hope and trust in myself......I put them in the Lord, who made the heavens and the earth, who will guard us from every evil.
It is with that thought and prayer in my heart that I will drive my daughter to college, I will pass her onto the Guardian God who will go with her to places that I can't. I am proud that she gave herself to Him and I am encouraged by her trust in Him, to lead her where ever He wants her to go!! Today, community college, tomorrow - who knows.....Honduras maybe??
God Bless <3 Lorraine