Friday, December 14, 2012

Circumstances or Stories?

If you're a friend of mine on facebook - you already know that I've been struggling for, well about two weeks consistently!  Part of the reason that I'm having trouble right now is told here, a post from way back in the beginning of this blog, it continues in this post and again in this one.  It's a three part series of back story.

I've been on a "light" kick for some time....always trying to capture His light in my life

We dove off of that "high dive" and I feel like we've gone through periods of floating and periods of flailing.  We are still unsure of what the future holds, but then again, who isn't.  All throughout this journey we've done an okay job with giving thanks, and counting gifts but as we get further and further into this, we want so desperately to "do something"!! 

I need to get out of the shadows and into the Light

If we could just make a decision that will make a difference we would feel so much better.  If someone could just tell me what to do!!  It's hard doing nothing.  In a comment that my husband left on one of the above posts he talked about how as children when we're first put into the pool we want to kick and scream and get out because we are afraid of drowning, but if we would just learn to rest, we would find that we would most likely float on the surface and eventually learn to swim.  Easier said than done!

He is our rest and place of refuge
Well this morning God gave me something that I think will make a bit of a difference.  No it wasn't a big fat check to pay for our broken vehicles (which, by the way, would be amazing!!) it was a word.  The word is "story".  I was writing a message to a friend who had asked for prayer for a friend of hers and as I was replying I was about to say that God is already in the midst of her situation or circumstance but instead of using those words God showed me that it's not merely a situation.  Life is not, contrary to popular belief, a series of circumstances and situations.  It's a story, our story, and it's one that, if we are willing, God will write on the pages of our book.

He is our quiet place in the midst of the chaos

I personally find that very profound this morning, as I sit here two years in to this unemployment story.  Yes, Bill has been working, as a contractor with no benefits or paid time off.  We've looked at that as a circumstance, something short term that will eventually, hopefully change.  While we are very thankful for the job and the paycheck, we have not warmly embraced it, we've attempted to try to, but it hasn't happened.  Bill has really struggled there, wondering why God would put him in a situation where he feels he is not being utilized fully.  He realizes that this situation has limitations, but as a man, a doer, it's difficult for him.

It's kind of like a rental home.  I've read a few blogs from people who are renting and they have a hard time settling in and making it their own, hoping and knowing that eventually they will move on.  In parenting, we look at each age and stage as just that, something that's going to change and we start to look forward to the change instead of embracing where we are.

I feel like the flower out of place in the season, refusing to give into the cold and death around her
Seasons come and go, days and nights fly by, our "situation" changes all.the.time.  But I wonder if we took a different position, if our perspective would shift, that maybe rest and peace would come a bit more easily.

found this message in the corner of my dry erase board -from the hubbs

I don't know.  Maybe I'm nuts.  Maybe it's exhaustion talking or delirium from spinning around in circles.  All I know is that I don't like where I'm at.  I'm stuck in this space in between and its uncomfortable.  I'm really, really, really struggling with what I'm used to and where I now find myself.  I'm really, really wanting to float on the surface and just rest.  I want that for my husband and my children as well.  I don't want my family and friends to worry about us and feel like they are helpless.  I just want to accept where I'm at and float above it. 

I'm reminded of this gem in scripture:

"but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint". Isaish 40:30-31

So, all that to say, I'm going to attempt to start looking at my "circumstances" more like a story and see what difference that will make......care to join me in the journey??  Oh and one more thing......I picked up this edition of the bible months ago and I've been working through it with my kids in school. 

It removes the books of the bible, chapters and titles and makes it one cohesive story.  It really gives you a different experience when reading it - I'm praying that I'll have the same type of experience when I remove the "circumstance labels" from my story and read it as one cohesive book!

God Bless <3 Lorraine

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