Monday, January 12, 2015

How do I.......?

Disclaimer:  I am fully aware that I am being overly dramatic.  I'm not as bad as I am bound to make myself sound in this post.  I am merely dumping my exaggerated feelings here, in this place, where they will stay.  I fully intend to pick myself up and move on.....eventually, but.....for now,

HOW DO I????????
First let me back up for those of you who aren't currently aware of what is going in my life, which is probably very few of you, considering the only people that I know read this are people that are family or friends in real life or follow me on IG and FB.
Saturday we took our daughter, Jessica, of "Tea Tidbits and more", to college.  If you know us, you know that she is my right hand gal, heck we could even go as far to say that she's both of my stinkin hands and my brain!!!!!  She has been such a GINORMOUS help to me and the rest of the family.  It's Monday, it's raining, we're here and she's......there!  Needless to say, I am LOST! 

I can't apologize for that.  I warned you!!  Highly Dramatic!!!!  But still, the stinkin song keeps playing through my mind, over and over and over and over and.....well I think you get the point. I was having a hard enough time this month figuring out what to do with myself without cookies to keep me busy, now I have no cookies and no Jessica!  I seriously could go sit in a corner and rock and be perfectly content.  I won't do it.  The floor is uncomfortable and I'm not a fan of being uncomfortable.  So instead I am giving myself this day, this dreary, cold, rainy, lonely day to "grieve" the separation between myself and my arms and brain.  I'm doing a whole lot of nothing and IDEC!!  (I don't even care - for those of you not up on the text lingo of the younger generations)
On a happier and much less dramatic note, Jessica is doing fabulous (of course, who would've doubted that).  Okay, I was starting to wonder as Friday after Maggie left, tears found their way to Jessica's otherwise dry eyes and it was pretty much over from that point on.  It was an emotional departure. 
Maggie - the little girl that Jess babysat and we will continue to babysit!!  #maggiedaysarethebestdays
We got her there, un-bunked the beds, unpacked her stuff, did the orientation stuff, president's dinner etc. and then walked her back to her room.  Let's just say that the final "see ya" wasn't at all dramatic.  It was OVERLY dramatic, mostly because of the 10 year old who depends on her big sister even more than I do.  A brother may have shared in the dropping of tears ritual - he shall remain nameless.  We had to pull Julia off of her sister and drag her away.  It was heart wrenching and slightly annoying, because, HELLO??  I'd like to have some room for my tears too!!!!!!!  But I put on my big girl undies and remained the rock for my emotional children, hey it's what we moms do.
As you may have seen on IG, these were our "not about to fall apart, we're totally excited" faces. (lies, all lies.)
So honestly it was a blessing, because I don't really enjoy crying.  It's not a good look and I do like to feel needed, so I guess it was a win win!!  Orientation weekend kept our girl busy, which even though she was dreading it, it did end up to be a blessing.  Turns out that the 9:00 p.m (P stinkin M) kick-ball game was optional!!!  OMGTY!!!!!!  (oh my God, thank you -I don't know if that's a thing, I just made it up, right there!)  She, instead, played bored games, I mean BOARD games and met a few more people. 
Joe's elbow on the left, Julia lounged on the bed, Jay was in the chair and there are Jess's little feet!
From as much as you can grasp through texting, I thought she "sounded" great at the end of the evening.  11:40 PM and she was jumping in the shower and heading to bed!  Sunday morning had the kids rising early and heading to the city for breakfast, praise and worship and a session or two.  She got to meet her roommate and they hit it off.  They did a bit more rearranging of their dorm room and got to know each other better.  Later in the evening she headed off to Wal Mart with some other girls from her hall.  I truly didn't doubt that she would settle quickly and jump right in, it's just who she is.  But I think there's always a little tiny nook in the corner of a mother's heart that harbors such doubts, more like "what ifs" if you will.
The Library
We got to talk to her on the phone yesterday too and I swear she "sounds" like a college student.  I don't know what that sounds like exactly, but after an emotional weekend, it was so good to hear her sound like that! Monday morning Wait!  Today is Monday! THIS morning, she and her roommate "K" went to breakfast with a few other girls and played a game.  Today is the first day of classes, which were delayed due to ice.  I'm anxious to hear how her day went.
I'm getting a new perspective on being a mother.  It's hard not being with her.  Not because I'm a hovering mother, but because I'm used to being with her, to experiencing life with her.  Remember this is the girl who, when taken to Disney with her friends in January, opted to hang out with me and her dad and the friends readily agreed!  So this, it's weird.    I need to be aware of myself and my tendencies to try to be a part of everything.  I realize that I have to let her go.  She needs the space to spread her wings and begin to find her place in this world. 
Jess and Shelby
I know that she'll share everything with me when she can, so remembering that will be key.  Also, she knows me, so I'm sure that she will give me some room to be a meddling momma here and there.  :)
The time goes so quickly friends.  Enjoy every minute you have with your people!!!!  I'll be back later this week with a wrap up of the Alabama trip!!  After that, I have no idea!!  We'll see how this new chapter goes!!  I do have some bedroom pics to share as we are changing and rearranging bedrooms!  So stick around!!! 
God Bless

1 comment:

  1. This made me cry...and, laugh as well. Beautiful .....